


Because I Love Them

by apple9131999



Series: The States of America [9]
Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: American Civil War, Betrayal, Dysfunctional Family, Family Feels, Resentment, pre- American Civil War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-24
Updated: 2016-04-24
Packaged: 2018-06-03 20:03:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6624319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/apple9131999/pseuds/apple9131999
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I don't want them hurt, I just want them <i>back."</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	Because I Love Them

**Author's Note:**

> States that had left the union when this story starts:  
> South Carolina  
> Mississippi  
> Alabama  
> Louisiana  
> Florida  
> Georgia  
> Texas
> 
> There is a reference to a past suicide attempt. It's not graphic, but it's mostly in the large chuck of text at the end that starts with "He had to breathe forcefully, evenly..." and ends with that paragraph.

_March 4, 1861- Washington, D.C._

* * *

For all that their people on either side of them were screaming up a storm, handkerchiefs waving and flags appearing seemingly out of nowhere, the thirty-six of them were rather somber. Alfred was in front of them, just behind the president-elect, his wife, and their two boys. He was waving and grinning with enthusiasm at the crowds around them. But Illinois remembered the tenseness of his shoulders as they were lining up for the parade and the way his eyes had frozen on the space between New Jersey and Connecticut.

Indiana, a space over from Illinois, glanced over to him after waving to the crowd. Illinois grimaced and nodded to his neighbor. He could feel the space on either side of him where Mississippi and Alabama normally stood and the spaces behind him where Texas and Florida walked last time. He could hear Nevada giggle as he walked between the twins, holding their hands and swinging forward every other step or so. Maine and Missouri on the other side of him were holding hands as the two walked.

* * *

They milled about in _their_ room of the White House- the room that they were all called in when they found out they had officially become a part of the United States. California, Washington, and Oregon stood by the window, a sullen looking New Mexico standing beside them. Nevada and the twins had been dragged off by Willie and Tad after Mr. and Mrs. Lincoln began their tour of the White House. New England was talking quietly in the corner with the Mid-Atlantics. 

Tennessee, North Carolina, and Virginia were sitting on the couch that had been labeled ‘the Southern Dame Couch’ by everyone who didn’t sit there for years. The three were silent and tightlipped as they sipped at the complimentary champagne _someone_ had left in their room. Kentucky stood next to them, his back to the majority of the room as he fingered the globe next to the couch. Arkansas and Missouri hovered by the four other southern states, but didn’t make a move to sit or approach them.

Michigan was hugging Minnesota and Wisconsin tightly. Ohio had his arm around Indiana- the two of them not fighting, surprisingly. The Dakotas were hovering by Minnesota’s side, and Colorado was sitting on a softly cushioned chair by the group of them. Illinois had tucked Utah under his arm, letting the younger one fiddle with the buttons on his sleeve.

“And these are the states,” Alfred was saying as he lead the president and the first lady in. Tad, Willie, the twins, and Nevada skidded to a halt behind the three, breathing hard. “This is their room. They like to come in here from time to time, especially Brianna and Cholë,” he said, nodding to Maryland and Virginia. “If they have business with you, it’s normally done in here.”

President Lincoln nodded, watching the group of children under a softly critical eye. “May I meet them?”

Alfred blinked for a moment. “Of course, sir. They are yours.”

“They are more yours, aren’t they?” he asked with no trace of malice. Several of the states around the room stiffened, jaws and backs tense as they waited for Alfred’s response.

Alfred’s adam’s apple jumped once before he cleared his throat. “We like to think of our relationship in the nature of siblings with a basic level of understanding of _slight_ power imbalances.”

 _Someone should have told South Carolina,_ Illinois thought as Maryland approached the president with an easy smile.

* * *

A few days later, he was called into their room to talk to the president.

“Ah, Illinois, I presume?” he asked, looking over the brim of his glasses and waving Illinois into a seat when he nodded. “Come in, lad.”

“Why am I here, sir?” he asked, perching stiffly on the chair by the fireplace.

President Lincoln didn’t look all that surprised. “I am sure the nature of your confusion is not where I called this meeting.”

“Where is Alfred?”

The president continued as though he had not spoken. “I simply wanted to get to know all of you better. What is your name?”

“State of Illinois.”

President Lincoln looked amused. “Do you not have a human name? Alfred does. However, if you prefer State of Illinois, I do believe I can persevere with that, though it does contain an incorrigible amount of syllables.”

There was a long beat of silence. “Brandon.”

President Lincoln extended a large hand and a warm smile. “Abraham.”

Illinois shook his hand and then let his fall, staring back at the President. Once he had finished writing something on a sheet of paper he had beside him- holy Christ on a bicycle, he was taking _notes_ \- he met Illinois’ eyes. President Lincoln only looked more amused. “I would have thought that at least you would be happy to see me, as I was once one of your representatives.”

Illinois made a face in thought. “I have eighteen of them sir, I’m not like Victoria or Robert who only have like two or one. It’s hard to keep track of. And, to be fair sir, we just lost Destiny- Texas,” he amended when the President’s head tilted slightly- he waited for this new bit of information to be added to the paper (what kind of president takes notes?) before continuing with, “and then found out that they were building their own confederation. We’re all not in the greatest of moods.”

Lincoln nodded sagely. “Yes, your siblings have told me about that. One of the northerners, I think, was ranting about the confederation of old and how the new one was only going to kill the however many of them there are.”

Illinois shrugged. “I didn’t exist then, I can’t attest to what they all went through.”

The president looked thoughtfully at Illinois, deep in concentration. “How old are you, boy?”

“Older than you, sir,” he said before he had a chance to bite his tongue. The president only seemed amused by this response.

He nodded as though this was obvious from the moment Illinois had stepped into the room. In the silence, heat burned under Illinois’ skin until he mumbled, “Fifty-two.”

President Lincoln looked a little surprised and he tilted his head. “Only fifty-two? I was under the impression that you were close in age to Mr. Jackson?”

Illinois shook his head. “No, Ashley’s older than me- oh, sorry, she’s next right? Michigan. I’m a few years younger than her.”

There was a wrinkle on Lincoln’s forehead. “But, she became a state after…”

Illinois laughed. “Doesn't matter. Michigan Territory was established before me. So she’s older.”

It took a moment for Lincoln to parse through this information, but he shrugged it off for a moment, muttering to himself and noting something down. “When is your birthday?”

He raised an eyebrow in response. “You have access to those records.”

“Yes, but I’d rather hear it from you rather than look through a few dusty tomes. It feels a little more personal this way.”

“March 1, 1809, what’s it to you?”

He only got a small smirk in response as the president’s pen worked over his paper. He leaned back with a flourish. “I have some bad news for you, Mr. Jones.”

 _It couldn’t get any worse than what his life is like now,_ he thought blithely. 

“I am older than you,” Lincoln said, a soft smile as he watched Illinois jerk to attention and frown at him.

_“What?”_

* * *

April 12, 1861- Springfield, Illinois

He was working up a sticky, thin sheen of sweat under the sun of his farm. He had been working since before sun-up now and his back ached and his feet ached and his head was pounding and his heart was beating frantically and his chest was heaving.

He left a streak of dirt under his eyes as he wiped away the salty tears gathering there.

His horse and his cows stared mournfully at him when he started to viciously clean out their stalls. They seemed to know his mood and when he paused before unlatching the gate to let the horse back into the barn, the horse pressed his long face to Illinois’ arm. He patted between the horse’s ears for a moment before gently leading him back into the barn- remembering years as a territory and laughing with Indiana and Mississippi in the barn, taking naps in the drying hay in the oppressive heat of summer.

The bucket holding the feed for the pigs tumbled out of his hands once it was empty and he had to sit down against the fence for a moment to still his shaking hands. He rubbed a grimy hand down his face as the pigs snuffled at the feed and at his clothing.

When he slunk back into his house long after sundown, heeding the call of his overworked muscles and empty stomach, there were lights on in his kitchen and Michigan sitting at the table, a cold looking plate of mashed potatoes and vegetables beside her. He sat next to her, but she didn’t look up from her book even as she pushed the plate closer to him.

He started to eat, sighing with every bite. She got up a few moments later to fish out one of his bottles of beer, pouring him a glass and taking a swig for herself.

“Kyla won’t talk to me,” she said softly after he’d finished and she’d put away her book. “She’s ignored every letter I have sent her since the inauguration.”

He said nothing, just stared at the dirty dishes on his table. She followed his gaze and took the plate and cutlery from him. “Go wash up, Brandon.”

“Thank you, Ashley,” he managed to say over the stickiness in his throat just before he stepped out of the room.

* * *

_April 27, 1861- Washington, D.C._

“What are you going to do?” he demanded stiffly when he heard the president walk into their room. Illinois had been waiting in the room for the past half hour, hands shaking at his side, shoulders tensed, taut as a string.

“About what?”

“My siblings in the South.”

There was a beat of silence and Illinois was afraid to turn around and see the expression on the president's face, especially when he said, “They have declared their allegiance to someone other than your president and you expect me not to treat them as the traitors they are. Why?”

Illinois whipped around, staring at his president in shock. “Because they’re my _siblings_. Those are the people I’ve _grown up with_. Because- I- I-” he cut himself off and had to breathe harshly to get himself under control.

“Detroit was taken in 1812,” he said softly, when he had his thoughts down and emotions under check. He looked up to see the president frowning in thought. “I was only three, and I guess you were too, but we grow different than you. I looked eight, but I was _three_. Michigan was only seven or so.”

He had to breathe forcefully, evenly before he could continue. “I woke up one morning to her in the tree in our backyard that stood over a brook. Indiana had fallen out of it when he was younger, and he always avoided it, but I’ve never seen anyone run faster than he did when we noticed she was there. My heart was pounding as Indiana's eyes went wide and scared and I couldn’t breathe for fear of throwing up. When we found her in the tree, she started _screaming_ and I couldn’t understand her. Louisiana could understand her and he went-” he floundered with his hands for a moment “-bone white and struggled for the tree, Missouri at his heels. Michigan stepped out farther onto the branch and Rhode Island started _screaming_ for us to get inside, started tugging on my arm, trying to cover my eyes as Michigan started _screaming_ and Louisiana and Missouri started pleading with her-

“When she got down, she tried to stay away from us, but I couldn’t believe she was safe until I was able to hug her too tight. Indiana was already crying and the three of us fell down from the force of our incoming and Michigan’s weak knees. To think, she would have if Connecticut hadn’t-”

He heaved a few sobs. “I don’t _ever_ want to see that happen- hear of that happening. I don’t want them hurt, I just want them _back_.”

It was a tense absence of words stretching between the two of them- not a silence as Illinois was still trying not to sob too obviously. He hadn’t talked about that morning for years- had studiously extracted himself from every conversation about the War of 1812 to curl up in a corner.

President Lincoln eventually smiled and nodded. “As do I, Brandon.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> Abraham Lincoln was actually several days/weeks (depending on which birthday you use) older than the Illinois Territory and I thought that was hilarious.
> 
> April 12 was when Virginia seceded (with the Battle of Fort Sumter)


End file.
